I want my TMZ

Let me first point out to you that I don't like celebrities. I don't care what they do, where they eat, what causes/sports teams they are bandwagoning. Actually, I should clarify one point: a "celebrity" to me is a person with no discernible talent. Anyone else can be classified as an actor, musician, etc, but a "celebrity" is truly a worthless human being. Also, most celebrities are women, 5'2"-5'6" tall, way too skinny, dress poorly, and for some odd reason, they all wear enormous sunglasses. I realize that fashion trends change and for some cruel joke women who wear tights under an ugly skirt are "fashionable," but the huge sunglasses kill me. Why not just duct tape two ashtrays to your face? And let's not even talk about white-rimmed sunglasses...

That being said, one of my favorite websites is tmz.com. I check it three times a day on average. I don't even know why I look at it. I used to be a huge fan of perezhilton.com, but that started getting a little too vulgar for me, so I switched over to the milder tmz.com. On the front page right now, you can find stories on Lance Bass, Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, Ellen, Nick Lachey, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and of course comedian Don Rickles (no joke). What do all of these people have in common? They are famous for being talentless...and I know exactly what they are doing everyday.

By the way, not one person I know thinks Paris Hilton is attractive. I'm pretty sure that the only men that do think she is attractive are the ones who have seen her sex tape. It's like that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine left the dirty message on the phone and pretty soon all of the guys were attracted to her just because they had heard her talk "dirty." When I was in 10th grade, there was a girl who sat next to me that wasn't attractive at all. One day we were sitting in Spanish class and she was leaning over to get some pretzels out of her backpack when out came her entire boob (the guy sitting behind me was nice enough to point it out). In fact, every time she reached for a pretzel, out it came. After seeing this about 10 times in a 40 minute span, I started thinking to myself "Man, this chick is pretty hot."

So the moral of the story is this: sometimes you look at certain websites for no reason, and if you see someone naked, they will almost always start being more attractive to you.